What makes us who we are?

Personal identity is different for everyone, it is what makes us who we are, and it is what makes us unique.  Each person's identity is distinct because of a multitude of factors that change the way we perceive the world.  The way we were nurtured impacts the way we react to certain situations and understand others.  The cultures we reside in and the cultures that surround us change the way we act, so that we can fit it.  Personal experience also changes the way we identify ourselves because of the way we interpret and analyze these experiences.  Many believe that genetics is the main contributing factor in our ever-changing identity.  They think that genetics accounts for the majority of differences in our identity.  Some experiences and variations are out of our control and unrelated to genetics, which causes our identities to change.  Anything can impact our individuality, the small subconscious things that slowly change the way we are, and even the big traumatic or ecstatic moments that can quickly adapt our identity.  Regardless of the event, we are always changing, and not the same person we were last year, last week, or even yesterday.

Every person has a unique and distinctive identity that is continuously changing as we grow and learn from experiences.  This identity is what we use to define ourselves.  The world is full of diverse humans that all have their own identities.  These identities are not innate; they are learned over time.  As life goes on, we change.  You are not the person you were yesterday.  Every moment we are influenced in some way by something, whether it be our relationships, society, or any random event.  These moments impact everyone all the time.  Consciously, we may not know that a particular experience influenced our identity, but subconsciously our mind takes notes on everything it sees.  Our subconscious mind absorbs information every second, influencing our decisions and our identity, without us even knowing.  Personal identity is ever-changing and different for everyone because of the environment people are raised in, the cultures people identify with, and the way people process or react to personal experiences.

The first reason everyone has their own unique identity is because of the environment people are raised in.  The environment we were raised in plays a significant role in the development of who we are.  Recent studies, done by Robert Plomin in 2018, found a strong correlation that the environment has little part in the development of identity and that it is all genetics.  He stated, "If you had been adopted at birth, grown up in a different family and gone to a different school, you would be similar to who you are now in terms of your personality, mental health and illness, and cognitive abilities and disabilities. In fact, you would be as similar as identical twins who grow up in the same home" (Fisher).  This study has led to much criticism.  I feel that this conclusion was rushed and that there is more to be seen here.  The twin study found that twins living separately were just as similar as twins living together.  Although, the families of each twin lived remarkably similar lifestyles, had similar levels of income, and a similar geographic location (Kaufman, 2008).  Only 30 percent of variance could be attributed to genetic variation in the twins.  This study was latched on to by many scientists. News sources published headlines saying, "parenting does not matter as much." Genetics is essential in one's identity, but genetics cannot change; they are innate. Genetics may impact your environment as the studies have shown, but most importantly, 70 percent of identity differences can be attributed to other factors (Fisher).  Most likely, these percentages would be more skewed if the twins came from families with a more significant economic polarization.  The way your parents raise you, and their socioeconomic background plays an essential role in developing one's identity.  In fact, in a Business Insider article written in 2020 called "10 ways your parents' behaviors shaped who you are today," explained ten different recent studies that prove that the way our parents' act does impact the way we are.  One study mentioned was about how if our parents told us white lies, it might have caused us to have trust issues.  A psychiatrist named Dr. Carole Lieberman explained, "Parents can inadvertently sabotage their relationship with their kids through telling white lies meant to protect their kids from the realities of life that may be scary.  When kids find out the truth, they may feel [like they] can't trust their parents to keep them safe" (Akhtar, 2020).  This article uses trends to observe family members' actions, and how that may impact one's identity, but it is different for everyone.  It is fascinating how a simple, unconscious, trait a family member has can cause a change in the siblings, or children's identity.  While the studies that prove how family upbringing affects one's identity are interesting, it is more important to understand that these behaviors do shape our identity, not how.  These studies only focus on how the majority was developed, but it is more imperative to understand that these behaviors were able to alter one's perception of self-identity.

Another massive influence on how people define themselves is the cultures they reside in and the cultures around them.  The cultures all around us have an impact in some way towards our identities.  The study of cultural identity is said to have started in 1906 when Wiliam Sumner stated, "Loyalty to the group, sacrifice for it, hatred and contempt for outsiders, brotherhood within, war likeness without,—all grow together, common products of the same situation… Each group nourishes its own pride and vanity, boasts itself superior, exalts its own divinities, and looks with contempt on outsiders. Each group thinks its own folkways are the only right ones, and if it observes that other groups have other folkways, these excite its scorn" (Sumner, 1906, 13).  Even in 1906, Sumner was able to identify how culture plays a massive role in making each human unique.  He does an excellent job of explaining many cultural dimensions without even knowing it.  Each culture is unique in a variety of different ways, and the various cultural dimensions play a huge role in the way people handle or feel about different situations.  The main dimensions which set cultures apart are the way they deal with the passage of time, the way people relate to their immediate environment, and the way they relate to each other.  These three categories developed by Fons Trompenaars are used by many today to distinguish different cultures from each other.  In Sumners' writing, he mentions how each culture has different beliefs, religions, languages, and thoughts.  He is trying to say that these different groups create their own identities for what they believe is real or right.  The way the cultures interact with each other, the environment around them, and the passage of time have a significant effect on the way the people in that culture learn and grow.  The main issue with the cultural dimensions that many famous researchers, like Geert Hofstede, Trompenaars, Richard Lewis, and Edward Halls, developed was that every dimension stereotyped each culture.  By limiting the cultures to specific bounded statistical packages, it only allows for the majority to be heard and recognized as the whole culture.  In reality, each culture is made up of a spectrum of different people who act, feel, and think differently.  The cultural dimensions just allow us to analyze the separate cultures and see how they impact each person's identity.  Regardless of what a culture is stereotyped as any culture, one associates themself with will ultimately continue to change their true identity.  People also do not just have to adapt to only one culture.   Hofstede, a dutch social psychologist, explained that culture and identity are not the same things.  Culture is made up of different values, virtues, morals, rituals, and ways of interpreting things.  Just because you are part of a culture does not mean that your identity is that culture.  He believed that the cultures around us contribute to our identity, but they are not the same thing (Hofstede, 2001, p. 10).  For many, their identity is shaped by multiple cultures, including the one they reside in.  Cultures from all over the world can influence one's personality.  Seeing different cultures online, through social media, through t.v, or even visiting a new culture can impact what makes someone who they are. In an article written by Souhir Jerbi, a World Youth Alliance Middle East intern from Tunisia, she explains how cultural identity relates to our sense of belonging.  She stated, "Individuals possess a dynamic nature and are in constant interaction with their community. A person's understanding of their own cultural identity develops from birth. It is shaped by the values and attitudes prevalent at home and the surrounding, noting that the cultural identity, in its essence, relates to our need to belong" (Jerbi).  Not only the culture that surrounds you, but also the cultures you feel you relate with the most, can influence your identity.  Cultural identity relates to our need to belong, so if someone relates more to a culture where they feel they belong, it will impact their sense of self in some way.  The human need for belonging causes us to want to fit into whatever culture we feel we belong to or relate to the most.  Each separate culture that one feels a sense of belonging to will help contribute to personal identity, how people perceive the world around them, and how people define who they are.

Lastly, personal experience is the most crucial part of defining who we are and one's identity. Personal experience is what truly sets us apart. Even if people experience the same event, it can be different for each person because of the way our minds interpret, analyze, and react to the situation. This is what makes an experience personal and what truly shapes who we are. Identical twins are the closest way we can get identical DNA and genetics in a human.  Some identical twins will have few variants in their DNA, but it is the closest we can get.  For example, in an article from the guardian, Barbara, and Christine Oliver are identical twins, with the same DNA and same upbringing.  With these circumstances, one would assume that these twins would think, dress, and act the same, but that is not the case.  Christina stated, "I am more self-conscious and I suffer from serious depression. There is no sign of that in Barbara. We may be identical twins, but we are very different in many ways" (McKie, 2013).  Barbara and Christina lived almost identical lives, but now they are very different people, showing how genetics and even environmental and cultural factors are not the only things that differentiate humans.  Experience, and the way each person interprets, reacts, or answers that experience, also defines who we are and contributes to our identity.  In this scenario, Barbra and Christina were experiencing very similar lives, but the only differentiating factor was the way they interpreted each experience. The experiences they went through together had different effects on them, changing, and shaping who they are. Regardless of their type of experience, it affected their self-identity for good or for bad. Subconsciously we learn from every experience which changes the way we perceive the world. Our experiences with other people play a massive role in shaping our identities too.  In the article written by Souhir Jerbi, she explains how relationships are vital in changing our identities.  Jerbi stated, "We reveal who we are through every choice we make; and with every choice we make, we reshape our identities… [Relationships] contribute to changing or adding up to our identities and the identities of those who we relate to "(Jerbi).  Every decision we make may alter one's identity without even realizing it. When we befriend someone, when we lose a loved one, when a relationship ends, we change and learn from how the relationship has affected us. Our personal experiences and personal relationships are what makes us who we are

One example of how individual experience shapes one's identity is when someone I loved left me.  On March 24th, 2018, I started being in a romantic relationship with my first girlfriend. We both quickly fell in love with each other, and we had the most fantastic summer together before our first year of college. We spent every day together and went on many trips and experienced a lot of life together.  It was the best summer of my life. We were planning on continuing our relationship through college as she would be only an hour away from the school I am currently going to. A week after college started, on April 29th, she ended our relationship out of nowhere.  This was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life.  The first person I had fallen in love with, the only person that made me happy, ended everything in one second. I was shocked, I did not know what to do, and this one experience changed me. At first, my identity shifted into believing it was all my fault, and I was never going to be good enough for anyone.  The experience made me so depressed and anxious that I did not know what to do. After a few months, I began reading as many books about self-identity as possible, and I began to learn from this experience. It has been a slow recovery process, but this unique experience has wholly altered my identity and the way I perceive the world.  There were two main takeaways I learned from this experience.  The first is that nothing is permanent.  The second is not to dwell on my emotions, to sit with them, to recognize them, but to try and focus on staying present.  These experiences make us human and set us apart from the rest of society. Even though this experience took such a massive toll on my emotional well-being, it has taught me many valuable lessons and has wholly altered my identity and perceptions of the world.
 
Many scientists and scholars believe the most prominent defining factor in what makes each person unique is genetics.  They think that since we are all born with different genes, this causes our minds to think the way we do and experience the things we experience.  In an article from psychology today stated that "Genes help to define who an individual is inside and out" ("Genetics").  While genes do play an important role in distinguishing each person, allowing us to be physically different, they are not the only factor that makes humans unique.  Genes are innate and are forced upon us when we are born. It is something we cannot change.  With that being said, if genes are the only thing that plays into our identity, then why are many identical twins different?  There may be many reasons for this phenomenon, but I believe that genetics is an important puzzle piece to identity, but not the overarching factor.  Many also argue that genetics provide each human with a different starting point, which can cause humans to make individual decisions and experience certain things.  They claim that the primary influence of one's identity is genetics (Kaufman, 2008).  It is hard to say what causes humans to make decisions and experience the things they do, but many experiences come from forces beyond human control.  Some experiences, like natural disasters, and other people's choices, are not controllable, and I believe these experiences are a significant contributing factor for developing one's identity.  For example, I had no control over the decision my significant other made to leave me a year and a half ago.  While I may have blamed myself for her decision to leave, it does not change the fact that I had no control over her decisions, regardless of how hard I tried to change her mind.  This experience changed my life and the way I perceive myself and the world around me.  Proving that genetics are not the sole defining factor of personal identity.
 
Identity means something different to everyone because we are all different.  What defines who we are is an unending journey.  It can change at any moment from how we were raised, a culture that aligns with our values, and any other experience.  Before doing this research, I believed that the most critical factor in what makes us who we are is experiences.  After doing this research, I have realized that each factor is just one little piece of the puzzle.   The three factors I mentioned may be crucial in what makes us who we are, but may not be the only three.  These three factors cover almost every influence that can make us who we are, but literally, anything can change or influence our identity.  It is impossible to figure out what exact instance caused a change in our identity, and it may even take years to notice a difference, but slowly over time, we all change.  Nothing is permanent, everything that comes must go at some point, including our identities.  It can be hard to accept that nothing is permanent when the person we once were is no longer the person we are today.  It is good to realize that every action we make changes us, for good or for bad.  The only thing we can do is accept ourselves as we truly are; we do not need to change for anyone.  There is no reason to try and be someone you are not because we are all perfect the way we are.
 
References:
Akhtar, A. (2020). “10 Ways Your Parents' Behaviors Shaped Who You Are Today.” Business Insider France, www.businessinsider.fr/us/how-your-parents-behaviors-shape-who-you-are-today-2019-7.
Fisher, N. “Just What Makes Us Who We Are?” The Psychologist, thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/just-what-makes-us-who-we-are.
“Genetics.” Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/genetics.
Hofstede, G. (2001). Culture's consequences: Comparing values, behaviors, institutions, and organizations across nations. Thousand Oaks, Calif: Sage Publications. 10.
Jerbi, S. “Does Culture Shape Our Identity?” World Youth Alliance, www.wya.net/op-ed/does-culture-shape-our-identity/.
Kaufman, S. (2008). “What Makes Us Who We Are?” Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beautiful-minds/200810/what-makes-us-who-we-are.
McKie, R. (2013). “Why Do Identical Twins End up Having Such Different Lives?” The Guardian, www.theguardian.com/science/2013/jun/02/twins-identical-genes-different-health-study.
Sumner, W. (1906). “Folkways: A Study of the Sociological Importance of Usages, Manners, Customs, Mores, and Morals.” Ginn, 13.